Des O`connor-`he makes that throat talk`(I think I`m a fan`?)

Des`-dear old Des`, yes, I think I`m a fan`,
now you`ve been popular longer than Peter Pan,
but where Pan`s just fictional, of this there`s no doubt,
`our Desdemona` is definitely no `cardboard cut out!`
In halcyon days, when we only had black and white `pics`,
he would flash on our tele` screens, giving us weekly `fix`,
`Spot the tune` was the `vehicle ` that gave him first chance,
to show we,early `viewers`, his versatility in song and in dance,
through the years we`ve moved on, now with families grown up,
so why, if this is indeed true, are you still just a mere `pup?`
You look the same-it is strange that we mortals have grown old,
not `our Des`(short for `Desperate`) by Eric Morcambe we`re told,
Why, even (Buddy) Holly on tour with you, failed to `jam your till!`
"Hey there, folks, whose this funny fella at the bottom of our bill?"
He`s kept himself busy, though not always `on the box`,
honing his very `individual style`(he`s as cute as a fox!)
"Mr O`Connor, Mr O,Connor, begged Jack Douglas, "please look
-I`ve just read in my newspaper that ship-Titanic, it has struck
an iceberg and to `Davy Jones`s locker downwards went",
(but,no doubt, history will recall a more spectacular event?)
`cos even this will be o`ershadowed by what our Des has done,
refreshing our parts, `stimulating` where no others have gone!
His `record` stands firm, no-one or thing can ever him beat,
(he`s been on our screens longer than Coronation Street!)
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Anyway, then came a chance, a `chat show` to host,
and, once again, Des was `hot property`-hotter than toast,
and `oh, what bliss` when, with his guests, duets he would sing,
Des-`human nightingale` celebrities they would him anxiously `ring`,
to plead with their `idol`, and to recount humorous tales,
was a `sure fire` way of easily boosting their book sales,
to be invited to sing with our man, was the ultimate accolade,
even Russ Abbot appeared and,`tis said, refused to be paid!?
For him to miss this opportunity, Russ, he would dearly hate,
for the day before he caught two `whoppers`(Des was the bait!)
Jones, Humperdinck, Crosby-he`s `harmonised` with the best,
to sound good with `our Des` was of the most extreme test,
`on set` with this `superstar` indeed must be quite frightening,
(to achieve such `musical highs`, your pants would need tightening!)
A `duff note` to Des-well, that`s just not in his `book`,
`cos warbling`s `second nature`-just like a pig in the muck!
And Des, you were never one to `blow your own trumpet`,
no,not even when you managed to pull a young bit of crumpet,
do we hear one `tasty morsel` of gossip, or even a boast,
of your previous `exploits`-no, you`re the most discreet host?

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Now another chapter of life, another milestone to make,
with a re-hashed quiz, Michael Miles`s old place to `Take
your pick`-it`s fairly good and with Des `at the helm`,
he`s known as Queen(sorry King?)of the whole realm!
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So, Des, in conclusion, let`s hope you continue to `score`,
many more successes for your fan`-who does really adore
the Des O`Connor wit, charm and finesse, serenading the airwaves,
"Oh no-wot have I said-nurse, please `wheel in `Max Bygraves!!?"
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Something I wrote to celebrate Des O`Connor-like him or not, you’ve got to admit, he`s like a `non stick` pan-endurance guaranteed!
I am convinced I am a `Desette!`
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(The reference to Russ Abott and `pulling a whopper`,was a television advertisement,whereby Russ used a recording of Des`s(who was unmercifully ribbed about his vocal talents)to catch fish from a stream.
I seem to remember that when Russ dropped the radio in to the water with Des singing loudly-all the fish jumped out on to the river bank! )

Jennifer Kersey 1992.